The White Chair

"...looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, 

who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, 

and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." 

(Hebrews 12:2)

He has provided for me a white chair,

not stained or tarnished.

A white chair, to hold me securely without any harness.

A place to sit

At the table

In pure communion

With the One who is able,

The Wonderful Counselor,

The Founder and Perfecter

of my faith.

A white chair, with spindles that support

Like scripture that dispels lies,

And mercy that renews sight.

A white chair, that keeps me

Upright

A place to sit

Unashamed,

Unafraid,

Forgiven,

Free,

Every day.

A place where I can speak out and be heard,

A place where I am spoken to,

A place where I belong.

A place where I am seen and called beloved.

Here --- resting safely on this white chair.

The white chair built by the Carpenter with scars on His hands,

Scars from the life-saving work He did for me on that cross.

That's the Man who built this chair...

The Great Redeemer, my Hope forever.

Stillness

“Be still, and know that I am God...” (Psalm‬ ‭46:10‬)

What does it look like to be still? Is it enough to BE... without movement? Or is it rather to EXIST... without concern or critique or care? Or maybe being still requires ACTION... making a decision to not settle in solitude or despair but rather to foster a space that will bring spiritual and mental clarity, creativity, and a sense of CALM over your life. Perhaps in the stillness, you have an opportunity to wrestle with your wonderings... and make sense of your wandering? Perhaps being still requires letting go? When you collaborate with the God of the Universe, BE STILL, and know that He is taking into consideration every facet of your well-being... could you fully trust that if He's holding the WORLD than He is certainly holding YOU?

What keeps us from this trust? What barriers limit our understanding of this love? Why is it so hard to believe that we are worthy of this love? A worthiness that has no prerequisites...

So... Stillness. Freedom. Clarity. Are these ideas connected? How do you pursue stillness? If you don't still yourself, do you think the circumstances of the world will still YOU? What might that look like?

I urge you, friends... to consider and pursue the act of stillness. 

“The Lord will fight for you; 

you need only to be still.” 

(Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬)

Rise Up

I've been wearing this ring daily for a year now —
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

A reminder to choose a perspective in every situation. To choose a posture of living. To focus on what Jesus has said and done for me instead of what the world has said and done. A choice to see my present and my future through the "resurrection lens" instead of the "shame lens". 

Some moments, and days, I am fully aware of my choice of the faultier, blurrier, hopeless, sorrow-filled lens... and I let it be. For it may just be necessary for that day and space in time. But, from a place of remembering His victory and kindness toward me, I eventually replace that lens with that which is more hope-filled, pure, purpose-driven, and clear. That of resurrection and redemption.

No shame can keep me down, for He will raise me up. No fear can hinder what God has called me into. There may be tears, but I will choose to believe that He catches them all. There may be heartache and grief, but I will choose to believe that He will always catch me when I fall. He has prepared a way — giving me strength for each moment and each approaching day.

"Being set free and walking in freedom are not the same. 
The first was done for us by Jesus, 
but the second we must choose to do ourselves in his strength and by his grace... 
Salvation is just the door to what is possible. 
It is the KEY to finding deliverance and freedom." 
- Christine Caine (Unashamed)

What lens and perspective are you living from a place of? Are you in a season of despair? Are you longing for peace? I encourage you to seek Him and continue the process to full freedom.

“And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. 
Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” (Mark‬ ‭5:34‬)

A Turning Point

I'm in the process of updating this space --- from 'capturing life' to 'write. now.'
A transition and turning point from the power of captured images to the power of the written word.
A place where I will share, when I'm inspired to write... reflections on the now.
A place to keep record of testimonies, heartaches, dreams, and encounters.
To, at times, simply retreat from present circumstances and make sense of my thoughts.
This is a new beginning. In so many ways.
A somewhat spiritual, every-area-of-my-life, awakening.

You are invited to join me on the journey in this space.
I can't promise consistent positivity, but I can guarantee complete authenticity.
As I discover more of who I am and explore more fully what the Lord has for me.
Know this, there will be a lot of hymn references because hymns are for traveling...
and there's no such thing as staying in one place when you are on a journey such as this.

"What heights of love, what depths of peace... when fears are stilled, when strivings cease.

My Comforter, my All in All... here in the love of Christ, I stand."

A bit on waiting...

When God uses a new day, chirping birds, scripture, and a testimony from 5 years ago to remind me of His faithfulness...

"He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it..." (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. I will thank you forever, because you have done it. I will wait for your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly." (Psalm 52:8-9)

**Some olive trees grow from root systems 2,000 years old... 

yet the olive producer has to WAIT 15 years for his first good harvest.** 

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14)

**Olive trees are known for their tenacity// persistence, patience, endurance, steadfastness**

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him." (Psalm 62:5)

"My times are in your hand..." (Psalm 31:15)

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

**Olive trees can grow in almost any condition.**

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way..." (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

++ God's will is what's best for us. ++

A storm... and a sweet study of Scripture.

A little over a year ago, a tornado came through the neighborhoods where our friends, families, and churches are. I was a part of a group that sat huddled together in a middle school's locker room, singing "Jesus Loves Me" and waiting out the storm. The lights flickered and then everything went black. Children were crying. I held my mom's hand and we all silently prayed. 

Eventually the lights came back on. We stood to our feet and we were slowly allowed to leave the building. But seeing the destruction that happened all around us was enough to make us want to retreat back into those locker rooms, close our eyes, and keep praying.

The world around us had been shaken. Torn apart. Houses, striped to the bare bones.

So much of the world around us had crumbled. Fallen. Been destroyed.

But God was at work.

He had protected hundreds of people.

And with time, rebuilding has taken place. 

Rebuilding of houses. Of lives. Of homes. Of families. Of hearts. Of people's faith in Him.

There was purpose in the pain.

Because there was the constant promise of His presence.

Through that whole experience, we learned a lot. We saw firsthand that even the strongest walls can crumble when shaken. Even the deepest foundations can cave in. Even the houses that look unharmed can be left with cracks and a layer of settled dust after the storm is long gone.

My life was not directly impacted by the tornado as many lives were. I didn't lose my home. I didn't lose family momentos. I didn't lose a loved one. 

But almost 1 year after the EF4 tornado wreaked havoc on our community, my life was directly affected by a different shaking.

The great shake of 2014 in my life brought confusion. Heart break. And a lot of tears.

I have experienced many days of sadness... of loss... of anxiety... and of loneliness.

I have been more so than ever before reminded of how our minds are battlefields. 

And how we are constantly in a war... where Christ already has won... but where battles are still raging.

It's a daily... rather moment-by-moment... surrender to trust that this fight is not mine.

God is at work.

And with time, rebuilding will take place. 

There is purpose in the pain.

Because there is the constant promise of His presence.

I haven't been much in a place of investing. Or of pouring out.

Because I'm constantly trying to figure things out.

But I am in a place where I have a lot of time and I have the desire to invest that time wisely.

I've read a lot. I've prayed a lot. I've laid in my bed a lot. I've listened a lot.

In hopes to gain understanding... gain healing... gain peace... gain perspective.

So I may not be in a place right now of being able to DO much like pursue and live loudly.

But in the quietness I'm so frequently consumed by, I find myself in a place of complete capability to connect the dots of what I've read and heard and felt and experienced.

In the deep parts of my heart. On the battlefield that is my mind.

So for anyone who's reading this and trying to fight your own battle... recover from a storm that has struck your life... praying for victory... crying out for relief in your distress... I pray you are encouraged. It'd be a waste for me not to share when the Lord so gently and intentionally has led me to discover truths in Scripture and how everything I encounter is more connected than I ever could have imagined.

--------------------------

"...we are powerless against this... we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." (2 Chronicles 20:12)

"Thus says the Lord to you, 'Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed... for the battle is not yours but God's." (2 Chronicles 20:15)

++DISMAY++

---distress

---extreme anxiety

---sorrow

---pain

---heartache

---suffering

(affects the mind or the body)

"You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position..." (2 Chronicles 20:17)

What's our position?!

---lean on Him ... trust

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." (Psalm 62:8)

---abide in Him ... keep to

"You only have to hold onto one thing - JESUS... and the grace of it is... He's already holding onto you." (Ann Voskamp)

---enter into His rest ... have peace

"Peace is not something that can be put on a person; it is a fruit of the Spirit, and fruit is the result of abiding in the vine." (Joyce Meyer)

"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress." (Psalm 107:6)

That's a promise. He delivers. He is a refuge. He is faithful. 

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." (Psalm 37:7)

He is Jehovah Jireh... the God who provides.

What's up girl?!

it's been over a year since i last posted here. nearly 14 months to be exact. so here is a brief overview of some of the "big events" that the last 14 months have held...

i am in my second year of teaching... and i can't imagine doing anything else at this moment in my life. there are challenges daily, joys and successes often, love letters given frequently, and a whole lot of hope and life spoken over these littles i get to spend my days with!

i live with one of the sweetest families i have ever known... a set of parents, 4 kids and 1 on the way. they strive to represent Christ well in their lives and train up their children in the way they should go... i love experiencing and learning more about real family life with them, especially before i become a wife and mama!

i was a part of a church plant that just launched last weekend! over 300 people came to our first service. it's been an amazing experience to watch the Lord lead and bless the efforts of a group of people who are simply seeking to grow in their relationship with Him and to help lead and connect others to Him and to their community... i am excited to see what is in store for Connect Church!

i'm 24. and this year... 24... i declared it to be one of transFORmation. so far, 5 months into 24, i've lost 20 pounds and have shed 18.5 inches! i don't have a goal weight or size, i just ultimately want to be fit, healthy, and strong. i eat a mostly clean and organic diet... minimal processed foods, very little meat (mostly because what i'd be consciously ok with eating is too expensive for my budget), lots of fruits and veggies, and very little carbs. there's been a shift in my lifestyle and i LOVE it. i will never go back to eating how i used to. know this, i LOVE ice cream and know i always will but i have learned and realized from experience that food is good, yes... and i have all the freedom in the world to eat something, but do i WANT to eat it?! ice cream? i will rarely turn that down. when examining other foods i'm not so in love with? no, i probably don't want to eat it. i'll admit i was addicted to sugar, as are most Americans... and going just a short time without a sugary treat gave me a headache. now, i get a headache if i eat too much sugar! my body and cravings and habits are transforming and i am excited... i can feel muscle in my biceps, i can run 6 miles without having to walk... 5 months ago, i could barely run a mile without feeling like i was about to die. i will also be the first to tell you that i have had to take 1 day at a time in this get-fit journey. some days are hard and i find eating clean/organic/consciously is challenging! but most others, i feel that it is the easiest and most sensible thing in the world to do!

lastly, as i grow older... ha, a whopping TWENTY-FOUR! i cherish my friendships more and more. whether i get 10 minutes or 10 hours with a close friend, i am grateful. whether i will need to drive 3 miles or 3 hours to spend that time with them, i don't mind. my closest friends inspire me. they know me. they care for me so well. and they bless my heart each moment we're together. they teach me. they pray for me. and they make me laugh to the point of tears, sometimes after just a few minutes in each other's presence. i am so grateful to the lord for blessing me with the most genuine friendships i have ever known with the loveliest girls i've ever met. my only wish would be that we could be together all days, always. but i trust that the lord has us where we are for reasons beyond our understanding and that His plans for us are GOOD.

so there you have, that's what's up!

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, 

brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind."

1 Peter 3:8

fun, full & refreshing

on saturday, took a day trip to st. louis with aunt jill, madee & ben.
enjoyed chik-fil-a for lunch and spent a few hot hours at a cardinals game.
listened to the fudgery crew break it down & got back home 'round 11.

on sunday, a day of reading in the living room, turtleman's call resounding from the TV.
a family dinner of ribs and potatoes & a good few hours with ingrid out and about.

on monday, an interview at a school just 10 minutes from my house.
celebrated lucy's birthday a day late, birthday hat and all.
a family+katie dinner of tacos and enjoying the beep of the microwave.
a relaxing night of practicing wedding hair & watching now&then.

on tuesday, a day out with katie + accepting a 2nd grade teaching position @ Franklin!
watch searching, tiara testing, and gold searching at charming charlie's.
lunch at lou's and a stop at hobby lobby.
out to eat for dinner with my parents at buck's fish & bowl to celebrate employment!
late night of planning & reviewing pinterest for classroom ideas.

on wednesday, a day with the bruers.
manicures on the patio, hammock resting & a little soccer practice with micah.
watched my 1st episode of craft wars then had fun at ce's roller skating party!
ended the night cuddling with lucy.

on thursday, slept in & then went to lunch @ monical's with my mama.
ran a few errands & magazine shopped in lakeshore learning & oriental trading co.
stayed up way too late planning, pinning, and dreaming.

on friday, stopped @ dunkin donuts for a quick breakfast w/ my mom.
found some great deals at garage sales, i.e a vintage cart & kid books for 10 cents!
spent over 8 hours with the dakins, celebrating foster's 6th birthday!
ended the night by releasing paper lanterns and reading a bit of mockingjay.

on saturday, slept in & didn't eat breakfast til 11:30.
labeled, organized, and leveled nearly 150 books for my classroom library.
took a late night-few hour stroll through target.

on sunday, enjoyed a pancake breakfast with our southwestern sweetheart, kate.
shopped at walmart for some school supplies.
added 30 more books to my library & had a relaxing night at home.

on monday, slept til 9 then spent most of the day in thrift stores & at hobbylobby.
started the classroom crafting process, cut maps, made planes, & painted.
loved catching up and laughing with my leah friend.
made chocolate cookies at 11pm, trying to live up the last 7 hours at home.

so after 9 full days at home + 1 in STL, i head back to bloomington in the morning.
i loved spending this past week and a half with family & friends who are like family.
i've been reminded of how much the littlest things matter...
and i feel so grateful for where i am & who i get to live life with.
i feel so blessed.

a mid-July staycation

this week, i have the opportunity to spend 7 days somewhere. i could have chosen bloomington, the place where my community of friends is strong in this season. i could have chosen some beach, planned some simple getaway by myself or with friends. i could have chosen some adventure. i could have chosen to relinquish my free days to watching children in the homes of working parents. but instead of all of this, i chose a staycation. a vacation for a WEEK at my home. in Peoria.

it seems that in the past few years of living in B-N, i have come to Peoria often. some months, most weekends. fall of 2010, several times for days at a time. spring 2011, the same. last summer, often. this past school year, frequently. any of my friends in bloomington could tell you that i love Peoria. i enjoy coming to Peoria because of what it holds... because of who it holds. Peoria is home. although several of the people dearest to my heart live 45 minutes away from Peoria, i feel that a large part of my heart is still in Peoria. i feel refreshed in Peoria, i feel encouraged, i feel empowered... because this is the place where i began so many journeys... its air holds prayers, memories, and stories of nearly 21 years of my life, and that to me is a wonderful place to soak in.

two days in and i am thoroughly enjoying this mid-july staycation!