a heartfelt recap

i started writing this post a week ago. around the same time i also started thinking of how i could end 2010 with a bang. i have backspaced sentences, highlighted and deleted whole paragraphs, changed wording, and i just now started new with a completely blank text box. frustrating, yes... freeing, even more so.

last year, a friend shared with me a motto she had thought of for my 2010: "2010, never be the same again." and to recap on this past year i was attempting to write a blog in total focus to that motto. it's great, but my heart is pouring out words that are overflowing the cup that's holding that phrase. so here i am... and i have a few confessions.

sometimes i think i have it all together. but when i don't know what to say to a heartbroken friend, cannot make sense of some situation i'm in, when there are tears on christmas morning, when a coworker gets held at gunpoint and is demanded to give over all the money in her register... i remember that i absolutely don't have it all together.

this year, i learned to simply "go with it" because i am far from having control. i have came across some sort of boldness in my heart and mind that is really unexplainable to me. and i'm just going with it. when i come to those points of thinking that i have life figured out when i really don't, i just go with it. i speak from my heart. and just like the words are flowing endlessly from my mind to my fingertips as i type this right now, i know it's what i'm supposed to say.

i have felt so blessed, in awe, refreshed, and loved in this year. i have encountered several moments and days and wonderful little seasons where i've felt that i am exactly where i'm supposed to be. and these "good" things, the things that make me sometimes believe that i do have it all figured out aren't some false realities of greatness. and it's not some weird coincidence when i feel so in sync with the people in my life... ultimately it's an awesome wonder.

this year has left me with the surest testimony of God's faithfulness. about 3 years ago, i was given a heart's desire to one day travel and serve in africa. for 4 months this year, i lived life in kenya. i met some of the most genuine people i have ever met in my life and felt so much joy each of the days i was in that beautiful country. i took steps of faith and received so much blessing. i felt privileged and trusted and experienced more than i ever imagined i would.

a few weeks ago, i had what i thought was a great idea to make a collage of pictures for each month of 2010 to recap on this year. i stayed up late a few nights, drank a couple cups of coffee, spent hours trying to find what pictures i wanted to use, somewhat stressed over figuring out a page's layout... and as much as it was so wonderful to reminisce over the happenings of 2010, i lost interest and had no real joy in creating those collages after the shortest amount of time passed. and i love creating, and i love collages. and i never really stress out, so i just stopped doing them. and last night for example, i just went to bed. and here i am today. i got 5 out of the 12 collages done but i'm not posting any of them. it kind of seems like all the time i spent making them was for nothing, but i'm just going to go with it... i am feeling perfectly content with what i've got goin' on right now.

i spent most of this last day of 2010 with the dakins. and as always, was blessed by the presence of those 30ish year olds, that 4 yr old, those twins, and that little babe. it was a spring-like december 31st which we spent on the inside of northwoods mall... running, laughing, eating pretzels, and giving paisley kisses everytime she puckered her lips and lifted her head towards one of us. it was a great day. totally appropriate for this great year. there was no bang but there was definitely a pop, a joy-filled genuine pop covered with sparkle.


i have spent the last few days tuning in to ihop's onething conference via webstream. the annoited worship has filled me so full and the teachings (the few that i've listened to so far) have completely hit my heart... not a slapping kind of hit, but a subtle touch that is speaking volumes. i can feel changes happening on the inside.

things have changed this year. even in just the past few days things have changed. and things will continue to change with the days, months, and years that are to come. i plan on just going with it all and sharing what's on my heart when it is... just like i am on this new year's eve.

2010, you were extraordinary. 2011, i am excited for what you will bring.

there's a peace that comes to my soul when i remember you're in control.
there's a joy that comes to my heart when i remember i'm not my own.
i'm no longer my own, i'm yours... there's power in surrender.

nineteen!

today, my little brother turns 19... his last year of being a TEENager!
in celebration of his life on this day, i've got 19 things to say...

ben-
1. you are one of the funniest people i know.
2. i am so proud of you and these past 4 months. your success is so encouraging to me!
3. you could make anyone smile, i'm sure of it.
4. thank you for always listening to my long stories that sometimes are irrelevant.
5. one of my favorite parts about coming home, is to hang out with you.
6. you are extremely talented (if you didn't know) :)
7. if i was stranded on an island and was only able to bring along 3 things, 1 of them would be you.
8. you are such a hardworker.
9. your dedication to what you love is admirable.
10. you inspire me. to become a better dancer, perfect my fake cry, etc... ;)
11. i am so thankful for you.
12. i can't wait til we're grown-ups. we could travel the world. ya wanna?
13. always follow your dreams. look at how far you've come!
14. i'm glad you know all the lyrics to all the songs on the radio. i appreciate it.
15. i only let you crack my toes because i love you.
16. you are so fun to be around.
17. thank you for teaching me new things all the time.
18. you never let me down.
19. live this last year of your teens to the fullest! it only happens once!

happy 19th birthday, ben!
i love you.

southern cross academy: then and now

Izzo, the leader of this project, heads up Marafiki Community. and just over 6 months ago, i had the opportunity to be a part of some of the good works that he is doing in Kenya.

it brings me so much joy to see what HUGE successes this program is having.

all the work with the IDP camps has come along unbelievably. sure, there have been bumps and finance issues along the way, but in one year's time... look how far they've come! i don't want to make this sound about me, because it's not... at all. but these people and these projects are closer to my heart than any other "wow, that is really great" program because i know these people.

i got to be a part of the early stages of building this school. i helped remove grass from inside the classrooms when the only thing built was a very basic structure.






then, a few weeks later, we all were so excited as we drove up to the school and saw that there were walls and doors.




we did a medical camp for the camp residents that day and over 50 people came through to see the doctor. it was such a success that we unfortunately ran out of medicine to treat everyone.




a few months later, i returned with a group. first we played with the kids and gave out some candy and clothes.


















and then we went to the school and helped move rocks and stones from a huge pile to be laid down, and soon followed up with cement poured over them, to create floors in the classrooms.






they were clearly proactive about getting themselves a school.


these days were fun, but when i close my eyes and picture the kids spending their days, now instead, in their classrooms - sitting at their desks, reading and writing and learning math and social studies and science and CRE - i smile bigger than this. because that is so amazingly greater than this.


obviously this community has extreme needs. the people living at the IDP camps need support. they have gone from having nothing, to having so much with more to come! i remember talking with a mom of 7 children named jane during one of my visits, and she said, "in time, god will provide for us." He is providing for them... it is evident... and it is amazing.

Izzo, and volunteers from around the world, you are rockin' it. you are making a difference in the lives of these people and blessing them beyond belief. keep following your heart and the Lord's guidance... you are doing such a great thing.

thankful - 3

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
His love endures forever. – 1 Chronicles 16:34

thankful - 2

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes!

if you ever happen to have 8 sticks of butter, 3 cups of brown sugar, >1 TBSP. of vanilla, >5 cups of flour, 4 eggs, and 1 cup of mini chocolate chips (and other misc. ingredients :)), we suggest that you make chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes. they're like a thrice baked chocolate chip cookie!

first, the night before you want to make the cupcakes,
make the cookie dough.




then, use your beloved 'pampered chef' 1.5 tbsp scoop (or one similar)
to shape the dough into balls.


after the dough balls have sat in the freezer overnight,
it's time to make the cupcake batter!


you can have children help too, i.e. carter liked stirring and licking the beaters.




line cupcake pans with paper liners and fill each 2/3 full with batter.
put a cookie dough ball in the center of each 'cupcake'.
*recipe may make ~30 instead of 24 cupcakes, so be prepared :)




bake the cupcakes @ 350 degrees for 16-18 minutes, more or less.


and then patiently wait until the timer goes off,
and a toothpick comes out from the cake part, for the most part, clean.




you could even treat yourself to one of the extra cookie dough balls... we did!


let the cupcakes cool after baking,
and don't mind the crack/hole that forms where the dough once was...
the frosting will hide it soon :)


whip up the cookie dough buttercream frosting. to spread on the doughnuts ;)


sprinkle each sweet frosting mountain with some mini choc. chips...


and ENJOY!






they are a deliciously rich treat... irresistibly YUM!

thankful - 1

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him,
rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught,
and overflowing with thankfulness. – Colossians 2:6-7

awaiting baby peyton

(yester)thursday

yesterday was basically the first day of my thanksgiving break.
2 of my classes were canceled and i just skipped out on the 3rd one.
and that was really ok for me to do, so don't worry.

i slept in til almost 10, went for a run, cleaned, did laundry, and hung out.
kate and i went on a dinner date and for a treat, we watched keenan on youtube.

at night, all of us at cornerstone shopped and wrapped gifts for kids.
we sought to bless others by becoming a part of operation christmas child 2010.
we listened to some weird guy's christmas songs and ate too many cookies.
and we talked and prayed and simply soaked in the community that we are.



the night ended with a video chat date with my sweet friend ing.
how we manage to be productive while chatting is a mystery to me.
but laughing, sharing, and productivity is just how we roll i guess.

dear (yester)thursday, you were good. i really look forward to this break!

brighter than the moon

first, watch this:



all of katy's songs are totally catchy, upbeat and make you want to sing along and maybe even get up and dance. but unlike most of her other songs, "firework" is much more of a feel good song with genuinely good lyrics. it's encouraging and powerful in a much more positive way than spend all your $, kiss a girl, or get back together with your boyfriend because you miss him.

There's a spark in you-
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine...

It's always been inside of you,
And now it's time to let it through.

just like the individuals in the video, we've got a spark inside of us. and i believe that our lights will ignite, and our souls will shine, when we surround ourselves with what gives us joy and we live life boldly.

trying out new ideas, being creative with paper, and working with still images of the sun shining down on families... inspires me to continue to look at the details of life.



running, getting rosy and cold cheeks, and enjoying a splurge of eating bread and eating out make me thankful for motivating friends, a safe neighborhood to run in, and good food that makes a splurge satisfying.



enjoying bread-free meals, having a djembe placed perfectly in position to be played upon, and my calendar of daily thoughts/wisdom... encourages me to keep it up, keep believing, and keep on learning.


oh, and maybe i'll be like him someday :) (watch 1:40-3:34)

getting a perfect score on a project that i never once stressed out about... reassures me that i was made for this.



seeing trains on the move while i'm on a walk reminds me how everyone has their own lives happening, but how it can be such a great encounter when two paths do cross and connect.



these are some things that are igniting my inner light these days, bringing me joy, allowing me to live life boldly, and showing me what colors i am made of.

own the night like the 4th of July.

jcp - just too much fun

i love the girls that i work with at jcp.
one of my favorites is bethany.
(unfortuntely she wouldn't let me capture her face!)
she always is trying to start a fight with me.
and she always laughs at my jokes, even if she already knows the punch line.
we're too funny together, that's for sure.